After reading an article a week or so ago about loving your enemies, I rejected it. I just could not see how I was going to be able to pray for and look at someone with love who offended me so badly. I just could not wrap my head around that.
Yet, I now see it is what I must do. I have prayed for my enemies, then they turn around and do something to me again and I wonder to myself, "What the freakin’ hell?! I prayed for you, damn it!" I was not praying for the right reasons. I was praying with the expectation that things would suddenly get better because they would be able to sense my praying for them in love. I know now you can’t pray for someone with the expectation that they will do right by you or appreciate that you did pray for them. You have to do it because it is what is right. It is what God wants us to do.To forgive them and move on.
My heart has been so heavy today. Wondering if all this effort has been a waste of my time. Wondering why I am the one who has to do right. Why are they not charged with doing right? Well, they are charged with it, but as a Christian, I have to do right no matter what. No matter how many times they kick me or try to bring me down, I must be a light. I must shine as bright as I can and realize that love does heal all things. When you approach a situation and a person in love, you will see the rewards of giving. I have to humble myself and simple give more, without expecting anything in return. My reward is knowing and seeing how good I feel because I did it in love.
I get it. I believe I finally get it. Regardless of what happens the rest of the week, I know what I must do. I will pray for my enemies with all of my heart. Starting right now.
+ - 4 comments
Angeltown - I’m really so proud of you. You keep on addressing these issues in your life with such poise and strength and determination to do the right thing. While I don’t know the details, I can definitely relate. I spent way too long in a very traumatic and unjust work environment before I left a previous job; I so wanted to lash out about every little thing just to get some relief. So I just wanted to leave a little to note to say – it all comes round in the end even if it’s hard to see now. Your strength of character won’t go unnoticed or unrewarded. I have faith in you.
kristine - I have struggled with this too. I used to pray for a boss that made my life miserable. I found that in praying for her I could somehow see her as a person rather than as this individual I hated. Sounds strong huh – the words prayer and hate in the same sentence? Yet, the biggest thing I noticed from praying for my enemies is that it kept me from being eaten up in anger and hatred. I kept me from going to a place of self-righteousness because without a doubt I saw from the perspective that she was the monster and I was the good one. When I prayed for her the playing fields became more even – I could see her faults with compassion (this did not come easily AT ALL) and I could see that we were not so different because we all have faults and act out in ways that are the result of our own hang ups. Somehow I came to a point where I could see her as a sad, damaged person who belittled me to make herself look big and feel powerful. While that was not right, I found myself able to stand in who I was and to let go of the need to prove myself as the right one. I could simply be, or at least manage until I got out of there.
Lynne - Thank you for being so vulnerable and open with us. I totally get what you are saying that although i am not at the place you are with this yet i am working on it along with Gods help. Praying and forgiving your enemies “in this case my ex” is not an easy thing to do when he has hurt you so very much. The wound is still fresh and so will take a while to heal but God is working in me to help me. Hugs
Angela - i just wanted to thank you for this post today. it’s funny…you talked about god using whoever/whenever in your last post…that is you today for me. i needed to hear this. i am struggling with the “why am i the one who has to do it right”…but my eyes have been opened after reading this, and my heart has been softened. so, thank you for being so vulnerable and real.