Art Slam

Writing does not come easily to me these days. In fact, I have found it a challenge to express myself creatively. My mojo is definitely ebbing and flowing.  There seems to be more ebb than flow. A stripping of sorts…pruning. As various layers of who I was are peeled away, I am left with the essence of who I am. Do I like this person I am becoming?

I do.

She is like a quiet storm. She is confident and compassionate. She loves completely and is learning that she is loved. She is accepted. She does not need to know how things will turn out…she has faith. She trust God totally. She understands that not everyone will be comfortable with who she is becoming, but she allows herself to be changed because it is for the best. She is tender and vulnerable. She does not worry…as often as she used to. She believes.

I am learning that sometimes you have to ebb more than is comfortable so that you can flow…freely and abundantly.

The second Art Slam newsletter went out this morning and I am happy with the way it turned out. If you have not subscribed to receive the newsletter, please do so here. My goal with it is to offer inspiration and useful information. If you did not receive the March newsletter and would like to, leave me a comment below and I will send it to you.

All of a sudden, I have this insatiable desire to write. Not your typical, “this is what I did today” writing, but serious soul searching journaling. I feel my mojo coming back, but not for making art. Instead, I find myself shooting photographs again and filling my journal with words faster than I can write them down. The desire to complain and use my journal as a dumping ground is leaving me and being replaced with inspiring quotes, scriptures, gratitude lists and doodles. My journal is filling up with words of hope, faith, truth and trust.

What do you know about where you are coming from and where you are going? This question comes from one of my favorite books, Life’s Companion by Christina Baldwin. I hope you enjoy pondering your journey up to this point and where you plan to be.  Tell me, where do you want to be?

I woke up this morning in an excellent mood. According to dictionary.com, excellent means: possessing outstanding quality or superior merit; remarkably good. I would say this is accurate. I feel remarkably good. Part of the reason is a shift in the way I have been looking at just about every area of my life. How you choose to look at what is going on inside you and around you can make all the difference in cultivating a mood of excellence. For me, it starts when I get up in the morning.

The first thing I do is spend time with God. I pray, do some reading and ask for my steps to be ordered for the day. I thank God for all I am going through and ask to be strengthened to deal with areas that are challenging me to grow. It is only through challenges, storms and trials that we truly grow, anyway.

Second thing I do is gather what I need for the day. I make a choice to not worry about things I can not control and I try to avoid unconsciously engaging in the mental chatter of my mind. This is not always an easy task. I don’t like watching the news first thing in the morning. You want to talk about killing an excellent mood…watch the morning news. I conducted an experiment a while ago to see how much good news was reported on TV. Of the three local channels we have here, not one of them started the broadcast with good news. NO, NOT ONE! If the mental chatter is getting out of control, I put on some feel good music to block it out. My song of choice at the moment…Sade’s Solider of Love.

The time I spend with myself in the morning and before I get my kids up is about 45 minutes. I noticed I don’t do a whole lot of talking, the house is quiet and I get a lot accomplished in that time. This little bit of time alone sets the tone for my day. Now, some days are better than others, but for the most part, this new process has helped me get and stay in a much better mood.

You will have to ask my family if I am more pleasant to live with. I would like to believe so, as I know I have been working hard to be a better me.  I am a constant work in progress…only this time, these changes I have been making make me feel really good. They make me feel excellent.

Lent starts tomorrow and this year, I decided to participate. I did not want to be one of those people who does this because everyone else is doing it. I did some research and here is what I found:

Lent is a period of restriction, when Christians give up their vices and try to live a “better life’. It is representative of the time that Jesus spent in the desert – 40 days and 40 nights.

Now, with today being Fat Tuesday, did I indulge in what I plan on giving up? Yes, yes I did and you know what? I will be glad to let this go. Honestly, no good comes of it in the long run. This period of restriction will be a blessing. I am determined and sometimes, being determined is all you need to get started. I want to be a person of excellence…this will be a starting point for me.

I am missing a lot of things lately. Sunshine being one of them. This winter has been exhausting and draining on my spirit. Sunshine, when we have it, is a welcome blessing.

I am missing the outdoors. I work in a suburban area and it does not lend itself to much green space or scope for the imagination. I am considering  taking my camera with me everyday and sitting in coffee shops and cafes to people watch and listen to conversations. What better way to improve my writing than to listen to the way people talk to each other.

I am missing my picture stories. I wonder if blogging everyday for two months did not burn me out. Writing, at times, has not come as easily to me as it normally does.

I miss my mojo, my desire to create and my desire to write. Making art and writing are things I have always done. Yet, I find myself standing in front of my art supplies completely uninspired. This uncreative space, I no longer want to dwell in it. It sucks. I have been doing a lot of writing, but it has been mental mind-dumping rather than something I care to share.

I keep feeling like I need to be doing something, but this is not the message God is sending me. He keeps telling me to be still. So, I am meditating on this stillness. Nurturing my soul and resting my body. I admit, I am exhausted and this stillness is obviously something I need to embrace right now…not later, right now. It is time I took better care of myself and stillness is one way I can do that. It is how I can return to center and regain my focus. Stillness is a gift I will give to myself.

I saw this video on Karen’s blog, Chookooloonks and I instantly melted. It does not help that I have been extremely sensitive for a while. Just about anything that screams connectedness, love, or cherish makes me melt. This was put together by Katherine Center for the upcoming Mom 2.0 Summit. I will not be attending, but I heard it is definitely worth checking out. Enjoy.

January is going by so fast for me this year. Some people tell me this is a slow month for them, I can not say that is the case for me at all. After the first of the year, the days almost blur into each other. I am finding it more important than ever to journal on a daily basis so I can recall the fullness of my days. I find I fill my days with less crap and enjoy spending it with my family. I take the time to listen to my children’s conversations and watch them as they do their homework with my husband. How often do we take the time to simply listen to what people are saying? Seriously?

I have been accused of not really listening to what someone is saying to me; interpreting their words to mean something else. In my past, yes, I have been known to do this. Now, this is not the case. I love stories and some of the best stories are those that people tell you about themselves. I do try to listen with a compassionate ear, because I know it is not easy for everyone to express themselves verbally. This is in no way a fault. When you think about a newborn, they can not express love to you verbally from birth, but if you pay attention, you notice the way they curl into your body when they sleep and the soft sigh they let out when they know they are safe. The non-verbal way people express love is just as important as the verbal. The fact that love is being expressed at all says a lot.

I pray I am always open to being able to recognize all forms of expressed love. I also pray that I continue to grow as a good listener and that my listening ear will always be received.

Nature often holds up a mirror so we can see more clearly the ongoing processes of growth, renewal and transformation in our lives. ~ Anonymous

Love this quote so much right now. I have not been creating a whole lot of art lately. But, before I hit a dry spell, I started creating a series of pieces where hearts dominated the artwork. I am going to share those over the course of the next few days along with a quote or two that resonates with my spirit. Enjoy.

My dear friend Karen host Love Thursdays over at Chookooloonks, hence the heart shaped piece of chicken in my post. My children look for hearts in everything now, and I never miss a chance to see and experience love through their eyes.

When I selected the word Endure as my theme for the year, I had no idea I would be put to the test of living the meaning of endure so soon into the new year.

Honestly, it has been difficult to focus or be creative lately. Things that used to inspire me no longer inspire. My children have been inspiring me lately (please reference the heart-shaped chicken breast my son discovered at my birthday dinner). Their expressions of love make my tender heart feel so full. I have been observing them more, listening to the conversations they have with each other, and here is what my children are teaching me:

• Unconditional love is real. All you have to do is look on the eyes of a child to understand the depth of love they have for you.
• Love is expressed in more than words. The first thing my kids do when the come in the door from school or me from work is hug me and tell me how much they miss me. Sometimes, my middle child will have a picture for me and there is always a heart somewhere on the paper. My son has left action figures in my purse and I do not find them until I get to work. My oldest, at 16, gives me a few moments of her time to tell me about her day and to ask me about mine. I love them for hugging me, thinking of me and giving me some of their time.
• Love always brings you back together. My two youngest frequent argue about something, but I have noticed they do not stay mad at each other for long. Eventually, they come back together and start playing again as if nothing ever happened. They miss being in each other’s presence and that longing and love brings them back together in spite of made them mad in the first place.

Hmm, what do you think about that? I would say children are wise beyond their years when it comes to love and I am thankful to have three little people to teach me how to love more and be loveable everyday.

Compassion literally means to feel with, to suffer with. Everyone is capable of compassion, and yet everyone tends to avoid it because it’s uncomfortable. And the avoidance produces psychic numbing — resistance to experiencing our pain for the world and other beings. ~ Joanna Macy

Something about this quote speaks to me. It is the part about being uncomfortable. Lately I have noticed that people do not like being out of their comfort zones. Doing so means they no longer have their usual safety net or standby routine. It is when you come out of your comfort zone that true growth begins. I have been living outside of mine for a few months now and describing it as uncomfortable does not seem to do it justice. Sometimes, it is downright painful. I feel exposed and vulnerable because I am putting everything on the line. There is no physical shield for me to hide behind, nor do I want to hide. This exposure, this openness, while extremely raw and uncomfortable is where I am growing. It is like being in a valley and while the valley is dark and often times lonely, there is a lesson there. For one, I realize I am not alone. For two, I have learned to truly give my burdens over and not carry the weight of them around. For three, being uncomfortable has taught me to have more compassion.

This week, one of the things I am working on is loving the sinner and not the sin when I interact with people. None of us is perfect. No, not one. This message was driven home in the sermon I listened to at my church Sunday. As was the message that our sins have already been paid for and we are washed clean as snow; all because of Jesus. Now, those of you who frequent my blog know I do not hide my love of the Lord. I have no intentions of starting now. My tribulations this year have proven one thing. That I can not be defeated when I stand strong in my faith. I am reminded of the flexibility of a palm tree. In a storm, the palm tree takes a beating. It bends from side to side, touching the ground as the storm rages around it, but in the end, it does not break. Strength without flexibility is stubbornness. There is no power in being unmovable in thought or feeling for the sake of being right. For some people, it is more important to be right and to judge. That kind of thinking and stubbornness profits no one. So, I pray everyday to be a more compassionate person. To treat people as I desire to be treated. Because this world can use a little more compassion. In fact, it could use a lot more.